Dear David Cameron,
As a young man raised by a single mother, I just thought I'd shoot up on drugs, put away my graffiti spray-paints and write you a remorseful blog post on this stolen computer. I must say that I have been very distressed to learn that my mother and I are responsible for the breakdown of British society. I would like to take this opportunity to apologise, and also to thank you for raising awareness of our guilt.
I am so glad that you have discovered that money is the solution to everything, and that giving married couples money will stop them from falling out of love, arguing, having affairs or experiencing domestic violence. If only all those star-crossed lovers throughout history had known!
And what a cool idea to help one married parent stay home, while forcing lone parents out to work - that way, the kids of married parents will get extra care and attention, while those of lone parents will get even less. It's like forcing a whole category of British children to sit in the corner and think about what they've done (i.e. destroy society). Drastic crimes call for drastic punishments.
You know, in general, it just makes me feel all warm inside to see you identify single parent families as uniquely troubled and disadvantaged, and then decide that married parents need extra support. That'll teach us!