12.7.07

Can't Stand Still, Can't Move Ahead

I've been having trouble writing lately. The sentences I string together seem stilted and badly structured. I have stuff in the works, but I am hammering at it uselessly, trying to shape it up and seeing no real improvement.

My mum's cat did something strange and distressing recently. Mum is hoping it's just a one off thing. Money doesn't really flow well enough in our family to spend it on extravagant medical care for pets.

Lately I have been drifting through life with my head down, trying not to think about things or face up to my problems. But this has shattered the peace somewhat. I feel really shaky and ill. I'm suddenly thinking about my own cat's health - he's a year older and I need him and I don't give him enough attention. And of course, there's me as well, because what's so special about my body that nothing can go wrong with it?

Normally at times like this I just want to crawl into bed and hide until it has all blown over, but what do you do when it is the passage of time itself that is scaring you?

8 comments:

Geosomin said...

Breathe deep, hug your cat and those you love-life is tricky but it can be wonderful too. I try to appreciate what I have for as ong as I am blessedto have it- those are the things that help you through the rest...Sometimes it is all is a bit overwhelming isn;tit?

For what it's worth I find music and hugs and tea helps.

Hope things pick up for you...I'll dance a beary dance in your name this weekend to send some cheer through the air...:)

Diddums said...

A mixed bag of tricks other people suggested to me over the years:

(1) read cartoon books and drink hot chocolate (or whatever hot drink you prefer);
(2) distract and interest yourself by learning something new (two people said this);
(3) get busy around the house or garden (I found myself doing this when Sharky was seriously ill and I was waiting for vet to fax. Given long enough I would have got every glass pane in the house sparkling);
(4) listen to sad songs/films till you've worked through it - cheerful ones will not do.

Comfort for me is knowing I was loved by family and pets - and not fleetingly, either. That's something I carry with me into the future, and those are not just hollow words. I really get comfort from that. Perhaps it's the opposite of thinking lonely thoughts. It's something that can't be taken away from you - it took place. Can't ever be erased.

Actually - that thing about watching sad films when you're already sad, I'm not sure about that. Sad songs maybe, but sad films make you want to throw yourself off a bridge! Last time I was feeling miserable, I tried to watch 'As Good As it Gets'. It's a romantic comedy in a way, but in another way it's an unhappy film and it made me feel worse. So scratch that...

zhoen said...

When Warren Zevon was dying of cancer, he related how he'd had a lifelong phobia about doctors. His cancer, caught early, would have been readily treatable. He admitted this phobia had not worked out well for him.

moira said...

Oh, this is so familiar. It was horrible, and I'm still riding the tail end of it. My sympathies.

I am finding a certain amount of peace in the Buddhist practice of mindfulness.

Michelle said...

I do not have much advice that I have actually followed consistently. Usually I try to avoid the thoughts by whatever means possible. Failing that, exercise seems to help boost endorphins, which have the effect of making me want to shop for shoes instead of thinking about world affairs and death. Hang in there. I've so been there.

Roadchick said...

It's just something that's going around - you're not the only one, if that's any comfort.

Funny movies
Loud, upbeat music

That's what the 'chick prescribes (and religiously adheres to)

Bobby said...

All the cliches fit: live in the moment, cherish each moment . . . even in line at the grocery store!

susanna said...

Oh, sorry to hear that you are having a few rough days. It IS stressful when a pet isn't acting normally. I hope that your mom's cat just had a bad day and that he or she will be back to his or her normal self soon. As for your own furball...
give your cat a purr-inducing pet and a kiss between the triangles tonight. He'll love you for it.

And as for your writing...
It must be frustrating when the words aren't coming out the way that you want them to but don't be too hard on yourself. You have a gift for writing. Maybe you just need a break to find inspiration.