1. Do you like cheese?
Yes. I really like cheese.
2. Have you ever smoked heroin?
I didn't even know you could smoke it.
3. Do you own a gun?
5. Do you get nervous before doctor appointments?
I get nervous before everything.
6. What do you think of hot dogs?
I think of the poor pigs who lost their lips and testicles to go into them. I expect they all live in some special farm for lip-less, castrated pigs and have a support group with hugs.
7. What's your favourite Christmas song?
"I wish it could be Christmas every day…" which I hum on and off throughout the year, much as I might disagree with the sentiment.
8. What do you prefer to drink in the morning?
Tea. With milk. No sugar.
9. Can you do push ups?
I could. I've been wasting away of late, so I may not be able to anymore.
10. Is your bathroom clean?
All things must always been clean at all times.
11. What's your favourite piece of jewellery?
I would say my watch, but it broke.
I don't know.
13. What is your secret weapon to lure in the opposite sex?
I don't think I have one.
14. Do you have friends?
There are people I know and ask things of. I don't like to ask for clarification of our status in case it turns out they don't actually like me.
15. Do you miss someone?
I do miss my friend Emily. She has a car. Now I'm stuck walking.
16. Middle Name?
I have two. You can know neither.
17. Name 3 thoughts at this exact moment?
i. I wonder what I will think of.
ii. Perhaps I will think of Mars?
iii. I doubt it will be anything profound, though.
19. Name 3 drinks you regularly drink:
iii. John Smith's
20. Current worry?:
21. Current hate?
People who make offensive jokes and then complain that those offended lack a sense of humour. Specifically, men making jokes about rape.
22. Favourite place to be?
Inside my imagination.
23. How did you bring in the New Year?
Feeling remorse that I didn't have a pen-and-paper diary to write in.
24. Where would you like to go?
Towards good things.
27. Do you own slippers?
28. What shirt are you wearing?
A black polo-neck sweater.
29. Do you burn or tan?
30. Favourite colour?
Yellow. Since forever.
31. Would you be a pirate?
I would marry a piratess, but I am not much of one for stealing and plundering myself.
32. What songs do you sing in the shower?
I am really not a musically minded person. If I sing anything, it is usually just humming part of Beethoven's 9th.
35. What's in your pocket right now?
Tissues. I might have a cold.
36. Last thing that made you laugh?
Buster Keaton's Seven Chances, which I watched over dinner.
37. Best bed sheets as a child?
Stripy like a zebra.
38. Worst injury you've ever had?
I broke my mind.
39. What is your biggest pet peeve?
Astrology. No. NO!
40. How many TVs do you have in your house?
Two, each with half-functionality.
41. Who is your loudest friend?
Will, who probably won't read this. I don't yet know if she really did change her name by deed poll.
42. Who is your most silent friend?
My cat. He still meows loud enough when he's lonely though.
43. Does someone have a crush on you?
No, because nobody notices me. Boo. Hoo.
44. Do you wish on shooting stars?
I never see shooting stars. Light pollution.
45. What is your favourite book?
I CAN'T PICK JUST ONE.
46. What is your favourite sweet?
The humble Jaffa cake.
47. What song do/did you want played at your wedding?
You have to play a song?! I'm not really musically minded, as I mentioned above. Wife's choice, methinks.
48. What song do you want played at your funeral?
I once asked this question of my mp3 player's random-shuffle and it came up with the plinky-plonk tune* from the end of the Tachikomatic Days shorts. As good as any, I guess. But I think there should be no music, just the wailing of all the people who had wronged me and then felt bad about it when they heard I was dead.
49. What were you doing at 12 AM last night?
I think I was sort of getting ready for bed, and sort of following my cat around wondering what he was up to.
50. What was the first thing you thought of when you woke up?
I was thinking about how I had to get up in half an hour and did not want to because I was so comfy. I resolved to make the best of the time I had, but it went too quickly.
*There are samples from the album here. It is about 5 seconds long and is called, 'ciao!'